James took a bite of his freshly-unwrapped

James took a bite of his freshly-unwrapped fast food cheeseburger and began to chew it, but nearly choked when a woman's face suddenly smooshed against the window in front of him.

She was his 7th grade math teacher. She had just trampled over a dead cow. Boy did she look hotter than ever. James pointed to his burger, as to tell her "hey, want a bite?"

And she pointed at her crotch as to say, "Eat me douche bag."

But his semiotic dictionary was wired differently. He was a "Fruity" disciple & expected the 2nd coming of the Divine Priestess of Fertility. He interpreted her obscene gesture

to mean that she was bored and wanted him to do something in bed. He politely refused. "You really are a "Fruity" disciple, aren't you?" she

wouldn't take no for an answer. Listen, it's called the reverse moose goose and all my girlfriends say it's just the best! Here's all you need to do: just shimmy out of that robe &

brush your tail between my legs." "What!?" The alarm on my face was apparent, even when it wasn't alerting to a fire. "I don't have to accept this! This is sexual harrassment!"

"No, This Is CNN!" James Earl Jones was tired of all the buffoonery in his office and decided to set out on his own...in a galaxy far, far away. He figured he could make a killing

selling his own audio-newspapers to aliens. But James Earl Jones didn't have enough money to build a spaceship. (Plus faster than light travel hadn't yet been discovered.)