Gastro-Intestinal Joe didn't have kung-fu

Gastro-Intestinal Joe didn't have kung-fu grip. He didn't even have arms and legs. G.I. Joe was just a head and a gastro-intestinal tract.

Because G.I. Joe was just a head and a gastro-intestinal tract he was more cobra than COBRA.

Of course, it is impossible for a human to survive with so few organs. G.I. Joe passed away on the 11th of July from complete body disintegration.

That's what happens when you expose a human to extreme doses of radiation. With the genetic material destroyed, your flesh just melts into gooey pink fluid - much like the chicken

goop served as protein for school lunches. The three headed dogs don't truly exist, at least not for a millennia. Instead, a wasteland of ash and cockroaches remains. And me.

But I wasn't about to try to become Earth's new "Eve" or whatever, no way I'm gonna bring a child into this hellscape. Instead I rescued a two-headed dog and named him Cain & Abel.

"Come, Cain & Abel," I call, and he comes, wagging his tail so hard his back feet leave the floor, "Who's a good two-headed dog? You are!" This beats having kids any day, even thou

Ly you would smother many cacti in cow Frisbees and plug any available orifice. Then turn the sacrifice into a human torch. The offering is chosen by a lottery. Any questions?

A tiny voice from the back row piped up with, "Can we volunteer others to be the sacrificed instead of a lottery? If so, can I volunteer my Uncle Eric. He likes taking the blame."