I bandaged my oozing toe with a strip of

I bandaged my oozing toe with a strip of cloth I'd cut from an old shirt, winced, cussed as I put my sneakers back on. I really needed to control my temper. If I didn't stop kickin

Stuff with my foot, I would eventually just kick my toe right off. I would be highly upset then. I found it very difficult to walk as I limped to my

closet to find a different shoe. Maybe a Birkenstock sandal would discourage me from kicking at furniture. I didn't think so. I was pissed. I mean, really, what kind of idiot

wrecks your azaleas by drunk driving on a lawnmower? I told Willy that beers and Deeres don't mix, but he never learned. It was time to make good on my threat and dropkick his

he realized by that I meant beer,it was already too late and he was slowly getting on his knees for the 6 pack abs guy whose shoulders he had been hanging from for the past 20min.

Then I just fainted. Pretended to be dead. I'd read in a Boy Scout manual that when caught in a homoerotic situation you can't escape, just play dead. Unfortunately

it just didn't seem to be working. What kind of logic is this?! If I was about to be raped, playing dead only made it easier! I changed plan and ran!

Logically I observe 1st St. heads one way, the opposite direction of my pursuer.My gum falls out as I run and rolls north.There are no Ford Fiestas on the street.How do I get help?

Using skills of deduction, I concluded that my pursuer wears a red coat and eats spaghetti and drives a station wagon. I put on my yellow coat, ate my corn dog and escape in a KIA.