it was the second pair of bose headphones

it was the second pair of bose headphones that had been stolen from me at work in a month. Rage consumed me, but I bought a third pair. Inside, I rubbed poison ivy, peanut oil and

crab lice eggs. My anger subsided after lunch. Stacy and I talked about Rick James and freaky chicks. Back at my computer I was listening to Super Freak when my ears erupted into

sing "Du kommst zu spadt, Du kommst zu spadt. Und Dein Schnittel zu kurz Dein schnittel zu kurz." and hung up before I uttered a word. Too late again.

Fucking telemarketer scum. Less than human. So I got off scot free with the murder spree I enacted ad hoc upon the telemarketers of the world. Some weapons I used included guns,

knives, tasers, cheese wire, broccoli, fishsticks and sediment flavored sediment. The point was, however, that I made it as slow as possible, taking hours to carefully slice

each piece in perfect half-inch pieces. The judges would rave over the presentation and exclaim that never has broccoli-fish-sediment looked so precisely sliced. Unfortunately,

the competition was ridiculous, having a knife so precise it could cut precise molecules out of the cells of the fish which were then used to arrange an elaborate bonsai tree.

But that was too much work. Instead, I cut all the brain molecules out of all my opponents. They died. My bonsai won by default! First prize was

a boot to the head. Outsmarted those morons once again.