After years of research and development,

After years of research and development, we have discovered the exact genes for the cold virus. We have applied for a patent and contacted companies for trademark naming rights.

Several names were bandied about before we settled on the perfect one: Rhin-O-Byte! Heavy marketing of our proprietary patented cold virus are scheduled to begin during

Canada's Curling Championships which is the right time to sell the crap out of our patented Cold Virus. The only problem? You guessed it, we needed seed money.

And to get seed money I needed a Venture Capitalist who had lost the power of rational thought. So I called Goldman Sachs reverse charges and they gave me $1 million to buy

an overpriced startup. Goldman quickly resold their stake overseas to their old chum Draghi. The EU's fate now depended on my venture. "No worry" I told them "What could go wrong?"

I was wrong.

But I was wrong about being right. I know I am right at least about that. Of that I am certain. I am also certain that I am missing Jazzy, my dog. My only true friend. Don't get me

wrong. You are right to say that I have other friends, but none of them have what Jazzy has. Speaking of which, he's wagging his tail now. He knows when I'm talking about him.

He knows when I'm awake. He knows when I've stepped out on him, but not when to shut the front door.