The fact that my face was a porcupine wasn't

The fact that my face was a porcupine wasn't going to help my chances with her.

My god she was so gorgeous.

But she was so foul in such an inhuman way.

I cannot even begin to explain why I found her so attractive. She was ugly, she smelled, and she continuously insulted my manhood. She reminded me of my mother.

Xing Xing had long hairy forearms and was a redhead like mom. Her constant nitpicking bugged me until I understood she was just showing affection. When we eloped from the zoo

We went to the maple tree, where the leaves welcomed us. The fall colours had peaked, already. Xing Xing ate fried rice and kimchi for lunch each day. She never stopped watching

. It was unnerving, really, and finally the trees got so tense their branches started shaking uncontrollably. A shower of golden, orange, and red leaves gushed over Xing Xing

moving him to southern California, but Xing Xing became infuriated again when pumpkins began to appear on doorsteps, even thought the roses were still in bloom. His psychiatrist

warned him "crazy is as crazy does". So he carved the pumpkins to look like elves & painted the roses red, complained the elves had been slacking & that is why the roses were dead.