Helga was going to go for the Starvation

Helga was going to go for the Starvation Diet, but decided Hunger Strike made more sense for her. First, Helga weighed herself. Shockingly,

the scale didn't collapse under her weight, which made her reconsider dieting. But in the end, a good look in the mirror and the thought of never getting married made Helga

could finally break thru the morbidly obese barrier. Helga was clinically obese, sure, but the obesity just wasn't nearly morbid enough to attract the attention of a good man.

Her Ex John had the right cards except for his gambling ways. The stitches from the pitchfork wound stretched to a frown in her rotundness. She bet on a fat fettishist on Craig's l

-eg, which was cod-belly white, with in-grown hairs, and had a loser's loser sock, complete with zero-elasicity" on the foot. Despite her rotundness she found Craig's leg to be

as painful as it was back when she was healthy whenever he shoved it up her ass, if not moreso because her obesity pissed him off which made the kicks that much harder and

whatever. However, one day he decided he'd just stop moaning and take up a new hobby - something which'd make him less morose. Bull-baiting was right up his street as he had a surp

-lus of mangy bulldogs chained up in the junkyard surrounding his run-down trailer home. Bull-baiting worked wonders for his mood, but he could not stop moaning no matter how hard

he tried. "It only hurts when I smile," he said, clenching his teeth, but grinning as best he could. He lay down on his flea-ridden couch, popped a Bud Lite, & sighed in relief.