If I were to start my life over again, I

If I were to start my life over again, I wouldn't have been born the way I was born. What a way to come into this world!

But I had no choice in the matter. The matter...which was ME, being conceived in a petri dish. A drop of this & a splash of that and voila...I became. So here I am today, grown up

in body, but not in mind, thank goodness. But my artificial origins don't make me less human; I actually have a more perfect genome than 99% of the population. Unfortunately, my

DNA needs replication every 48 hours. This requires the digesting of live human within 48 hours, and one mile within my current location. Any further and my energy is cut

loose, foot loose, my energy will kick off it's Sunday shoes. You see, my energy is Kevin Bacon. Having said that it necessarily follows that my energy is

best paired with "Eggs" Benedict Cumbersnatch and a tall glass of OJ. My energy rarely gets depleted but when it does ... well, even Bacon gets fried.

Mrs. Benedict Cumbersnatch is the one who where's the pants around the house, and she brings home the bacon. They don't call me "Eggs" for nothing. A dozen bouncing Cumbersnatch

her newly hatched chicks, their bright yellow feathers all fluffed up. I held one in my lap as I sipped my tea and listened to Mrs Cumbersnatch's offer. "I'll willing to buy

you a townhome in Scranton, with some truffle oil and tortillas. I'll even throw in a pair of gently used Jimmy Choo cocktail heels. Just turn on the oven...and do the bad thing.