The day was warm. I'd never felt the sun

The day was warm. I'd never felt the sun before, and the warmth coming from it was greater than that of any fire.

I gasped for cooler air. I knew I shouldn't have left the outer limits of the Basement Dimension without an AC tank, or at least a portable fan. The last of my hydration beaded

Like a friendship bracelet. The air was damp and smelled of mold, which secretly I loved, but who would have thought Candyland was so damp and murky? I started to get heat flashes

peppermint. The smell attracted reindeer and not in a good way. I was too exhausted to run, so laid there and went to a happy place in my mind while eight reindeer

gathered around because of the pepperminty-ness & decided to play poker. One thing I can tell you with certainty, never, under any circumstances, fuck with a reindeer while

carving a pumpkin with a butcher knife. Aside from the possible physical damage one could to oneself, there is also the weird mixing of holidays, and that's not kosher.

Especially when my family invited me over for Hannukristmagivingween. That was just too much. I flipped my lid, drove all the way up there, and

was about to chew them out about their desperation to cram all holidays together & eliminate them when they shocked me to my core. "The Easter Bunny is your real father," Mom said.

I knew Mom was slut, but the Easter Bunny? It explained things, though, like my vestigial fluffy tail and a fondness for dyed eggs. Still, it changed nothing. Nothing.