All love stories are ghost stories.

All love stories are ghost stories.

Or at least, that's what they WANT you to think! But I knew better. I knew that when you tell a good ghost story, people love it, but when you tell a bad love story,

they hate it because it reminds them of their own pitiful lives. But if you tell a good R-rated ghost love story, you're on to something everyone can enjoy, So, here we go. Once up

you stay up." At least that's what my PE teacher used to say. That was before the terrible romance. The really ungodly, twisted love affair. And it all started with that sexy clipb

-oard. "It says on here you need to do another set of lunges, facing away from me," my PE teacher told me. He used his whistle to call everyone else, but me? He called me by name

-dropping all of the celebrities he'd ever humiliated. He'd say, "Tony Robbins," and I would come running. Angie Dickinson. Same deal. Robert Redford. Madonna. Stallone. The coach

Was bragging there were 20,000 people he had humiliated, rivalling Bill Clinton. His wife sobbed as she read all the names before the Karma Police. He was sentenced to reincarnate

He received his reincarnation, made the President, Made to suffer at the hands of the NRA who supported Guns Automatically.

Up at the podium, he stared out into the vast crowds and spoke a silent prayer that there was bullet-proof glass in front of him. Their eyes shone like gun barrels in the darkness

Panicked, he shuffled the note cards of his speech together and cleared his throat into the mic. Then bam! A sea of rotten vegetables rained upon the glass. They weren't buying it.