I remembered last night. She was sexy, gorgeous,

I remembered last night. She was sexy, gorgeous, and she really knew how to do it right. I started to get up when pain erupted from my stomach. I looked down and saw my missing

penis, yes my reproductive organ was gone! Here I was rejoicing in my chromophorically scintillating skin, my independently thinking suckered appendages, my jet propulsion, but sex

was now out of the question. But then one of my appendages had a great idea! It attached itself to my penisless crevice & waved its suckers at all the octopussies. I could tell

that this was a good idea from the way my friend George looked at me. He had that "you're doing great things" face on with that "I knew you could do it" nod of the head to match.

Encouraged, I inched closer to the edge of the roof, fully intending to jump off. But fate intervened, and a burgler climbing out the window of an apartment below saw me. "Wait!"

"I don't have anything to live for,"I shouted to the burglar."No, that's not what I meant,"the burglar replied."I meant, don't jump til I've climbed down, or else you'll fall on me

. I might lose my grip and drop the valuables I just stole from you." The thief had a point. I waited patiently and then I got a running start and leapt at the window. Right into

The street, where I took the #36 bus north and the thief took the #78 bus south. My valuables were intact and I just had to shut the window. My uncle was proud of me! It was quite

a lie that I had to upkeep to make my uncle proud. His chest puffed out anytime I was around. He thought that I had a consulting job at a tech firm, but the truth was, I had