I remembered last night. She was sexy, gorgeous,

I remembered last night. She was sexy, gorgeous, and she really knew how to do it right. I started to get up when pain erupted from my stomach. I looked down and saw my missing

penis, yes my reproductive organ was gone! Here I was rejoicing in my chromophorically scintillating skin, my independently thinking suckered appendages, my jet propulsion, but sex

was now out of the question. But then one of my appendages had a great idea! It attached itself to my penisless crevice & waved its suckers at all the octopussies. I could tell

Encouraged, I inched closer to the edge of the roof, fully intending to jump off. But fate intervened, and a burgler climbing out the window of an apartment below saw me. "Wait!"

"I don't have anything to live for,"I shouted to the burglar."No, that's not what I meant,"the burglar replied."I meant, don't jump til I've climbed down, or else you'll fall on me

. I might lose my grip and drop the valuables I just stole from you." The thief had a point. I waited patiently and then I got a running start and leapt at the window. Right into

The street, where I took the #36 bus north and the thief took the #78 bus south. My valuables were intact and I just had to shut the window. My uncle was proud of me! It was quite

a lie that I had to upkeep to make my uncle proud. His chest puffed out anytime I was around. He thought that I had a consulting job at a tech firm, but the truth was, I had

a cashier's job at McDonalds. Alas, I could not stand to see the face of my poor uncle, as I told him I had encountered the same fate as him, so I kept up the ruse to see him happy