Luella Maple Thorpe had been cheated of the

Luella Maple Thorpe had been cheated of the ultimate American pedigree. A Mayflower ancestor. Instead, Jebulun Maple had opted for a cheaper cabin on the Speedwell. The trip was

actually to Albania and not America. In fact, when he should up to the dock, the joke was on him. There was no ocean route to Albania. Cheated and devastated he hitched his pants

and crouched into a fighting stance. The captain of the ship counted his money, but there would be a refund. Maybe not in money, but in pain. His knee and elbow shattered skull

after skull, while his hook and peg gauged hanks of flesh from the screaming crew. His parrot took flight in alarm, and headed for a more peaceful place to find a less mercurial

living skeleton of the pirate Fuchsia Beard. Yes, he had the requisite hook but took way too much time painting the damn point. The bird landed anew in

the pot of paint and fluttered as birds do when taking a bath spreading a fine mist of fuchsia. If skeletons could laugh, Fuchsia Beard would have, but his teeth just chattered.

This startled his avian audience, and they flew off as one. However, a low-flying private jet was passing by overhead, and one of the birds was tragically inhaled through engine #2

, coming through the other side as if through a black hole. The unlucky bird entered a dimension where birds couldn't fly using their wings, but instead used

Jet propulsion from auto ignited farts. The hard part to this genetic mutation was developing asbestos feathers around the anal protrusion and thrust reverser. These birds flew

all the way across the ocean and landed in China where they originated because, as everyone knows very well, almost everything is made in China.