He peeped into the Jim Beam bottle. It took

He peeped into the Jim Beam bottle. It took him two years, but it was finally done, the entire Manhattan skyline out of balsa wood and toothpicks. Then he sneezed,

and Manhattan suffered a rain storm like no other in its history. In fact, it wasn't so much rain as mucus. He looked thoughtfully at the model city in the bottle, and decided

to smash it immediately because

it was a sight to behold, this 'thing' that was growing and becoming more turgid was unlike anything I had ever seen before. I wonder if I would become the next Jack of the beansta

-ank. Jack of the Beanstank claimed to be descendant of Jack and the Beanstalk. However, that Jack was real rich and this Stank Jack was real

madrid's halftime jersey washer (until Tide-To-Go rendered his craft obsolete). But Stank Jack hit it big as a charlatan, selling a miraculous tonic that could cure elongated

vowel disorder. This, and chronic dry eye, were threatening the future of the planet. It was a wonder that civilization had gotten this far, what with all the restless leg syndrom

and difficulty swallowing. Most of the species had degenerated into a bunch of dry-eyed leg-wandering hard swallowers. A particularly pitiful clan of close-talkers further devolved

into a type of onion creature. There was nothing we could have done to stop them from doing it. It had to be done, I suppose, in the end of everything...