"Chimpanzees who travel long distances have

  • "Chimpanzees who travel long distances have broader minds and are more likely to use tools". Abe wooped at the archival headline. He was on a relativistic ramjet to Kepler 186f

  • Where Magilla Gorilla was busy unloading groceries after a trip to Whole Foods. He had ten pounds of bananas, avacados, tomatoes, and six pineapples. The family of twelve gathered

  • all of their belongings and hauled them to the nearest pawn shop, and came away with just enough cash to afford this bounty of fresh fruits. "Whole Paycheck, indeed", said

  • the fruit flies who stood to be the ones to most benefit from the pile of rotting fruit, apart from a pair of orangutans who had escaped from the zoo and moved to apartment 2C.

  • The two orangutans lived peaceably in a little corner of Manhattan, ordering bananas and insects online. When they went out, they dressed up as superheroes, blending into the night

  • light because it was Neon too. The two Orangutans met a guy named Jimbo in a tavern who shouted, ā€œIā€™m ready for anything, by God! Anything at all. Yeah, what are you drinkin?ā€

  • "Despair," they both answered with one sepulcheral voice. Turned out Jimbo was not up for that so he left with a Conway Twitty impersonator. The orangutans were not sorry to see

  • as their new photochromic glasses revealed a new world of clarity and sun protection. Jimbo however, enjoyed a nice tribute to classic american country and promptly decided that

  • though county songs like "Flushed From the Bathroom of Your Heart", "You're The Reason Our Kids Are Ugly" and "I'm Gonna Hire A Wino To Decorate Our Home" were good, he could write

  • miles around potty stinky and the swanky cowboy dudes. They gave him ten awards before he mysteriously disappeared in the Bahamas with a drunk dowager duchess.



  1. Woab Jun 21 2017 @ 12:40

    I wonder if they hired a wino to decorate their Bahaman home.

  2. Rebbie Jun 21 2017 @ 13:50

    It has giant beer mug acrylic signs and neon lights with sad cowboy spelled out in front. All wood paneling. OMG! sounds like my brother's place. LOL

  3. LordVacuity Jun 22 2017 @ 23:55

    You forgot to mention the cigarette burnt bar top and the squeaky swinging doors.

  4. LordVacuity Jun 22 2017 @ 23:57

    Don't forget the spittoons.

  5. Rebbie Jun 23 2017 @ 13:10

    Ewe. Now we just need a player piano and a poker table. lol

  6. LordVacuity Jun 23 2017 @ 13:21

    I was thinking more a pharoah table.

  7. m80 Jun 24 2017 @ 12:47

    For you Country & Western fans: Johnny Cash, "Bathroom": https://youtu.be/q3wyAzjlE9Y Loretta Lynn and Conway Twitty, "Ugly kids": https://youtu.be/iFq6eZBS1iM David Frizzell, "Wino": https://youtu.be/MBEoczHfP-g

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