There really was a house that ate children

  • There really was a house that ate children in my neighborhood. Every year, two or three would disappear, always around the same house, always around the month of November, right

  • before the end of the month on Halloween night. It was a poor neighborhood & the investigation into the trick-or-treaters disappearance was halfhearted. I dressed as Colombo & rang

  • the doorbell. Just my luck. The only Jehova Witness family on the block and I trick or treat at their house. I lit my cigar, patted my trenchcoat and said, "Ma'am, I'm Columbo

  • the Columbine Clown. And I've come to shoot the village down." The horrified woman froze, frowned, and reached behind the door for a sawed-off bazooka. The cigar slipped from my

  • mouth. I raised my hands, "I'm sorry. The 'Columbine Clown" idea was in completely poor taste and I can totally understand why you'd be pissed. Please don't shoot me!' The woman

  • 's hands shook with fury. "I will not shoot you if you promise to do one thing in exchange for your life," she replied, her disgust undisguised. "You must travel to the Land of the

  • Giants and retrieve my hand mirror. You see, my mirror belonged to my great grandmother." I took her challenge. I will get to the Land of the Giants! I started off by packing

  • with all types of food, getting ready for my journey to land of giant. I also brought along weapons with me to attack the mob that is in my way.

  • My favourite weapon was the melon-blaster. I could insert a melon and blast my enemy with razor sharp melon slices and melon juices. I was so ready for the land of giants.

  • We stormed the wild wood stronghold country of theirs with fruit guns and paid for it. We were like insects streaming past the trunks of their legs. God, oh God! What I saw...



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