"YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" yelled Gandulf, "Unless

"YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" yelled Gandulf, "Unless you read The Simarillion in its entirity." As the new Denfence Against the Dark Arts professor, Harry thought he was a bit of a tool.

Prof. Gandulf was convinced the Metronomancer had returned. He was building up a stronghold in the college's Belltower. Harry scoffed, but he had to fulfill his Humanities credits

in order to obtain his Minor in Near Eastern Studies. Prof. Gandulf left the door open while talking to Harry during office hours. "This Metro Beast brings the scourge of Androgeny

He asked Aragog his unbiased opinion. Aragog scolded Hagrid for not sacrificing enough goats. Hagrid

wanted to prove his worth, and truly make up for the severe lack of sacrificed goats.So he began devising a plot to kill Harry Potter and that damn owl Hedwig.

Like all good planners he decided to use planning software to manage his project from start to end. Setting the timeline for killing Harry Potter and Hedwig would be determined by

A toss of yarrow sticks for the I Ching, then a study of astrological transits. Professor Wacawany was experimenting with chance operations, like John Cage! It proved useful when a

ge of Aquarius enthusiasts showed up, demanding to know when the moon would be in the 7th house & Jupiter would align with Mars. Professor Wacawany had the answer. "Precisely on

November 4 2012... Oww..." "Do you mean we missed it?" Well... Erm... Yes." replied Prof. Wacawny, clearly depressed. He would omit that part from his memoirs, he thought.