Blood was everywhere. Screaming. Mayhem.

Blood was everywhere. Screaming. Mayhem. Lights. Just a typical human birth. The mother sobbed and waited for her baby, but the Doctor held something different in his arms

it was a half finished bowl of spaghetti and a bowl of rice pudding. It seems the doctor had been eating his dinner when he was called to deliver the baby. Luckily, the midwife

new exactly how to stall the birth of this baby. She opened her trusty birthing book to page 101 and started reading at paragraph two, which begin in order to stall the delivery

of a microwave. WTF? Someone tore out all the birthing pages, &replaced it with the Kenmore Microwave 2000 instructional manual. I have no idea how to birth a baby, but I can make

perfect popcorn and roast asparagus. Thank god she didn't have asparagus for lunch all considering. BUT, back to trying to birth these kids using the microwave manual. I grabbed

them both out of there, careful to handle by the edges because I knew from experience that the interiors could squish out the sides if you grabbed the middle. I closed the door and

gingerly carried the two sun-warmed oreo cookies to the table. I always like to unscrew oreo cookies apart & eat the icing first, THEN dunk the cookies in milk.The icing was melted

into a tar-like substance, which I crinkled my nose at, then licked off. Disgusting. Still, there are some traditions that are best left alone, and this was one of them. I washed

the gunk off of my hands trying to get it off, but my father laid a hand on my shoulder. "Keep it there," he said, "it's part of growing up. Shit sticks with you, you live with it.

" Wise words. I keep his grave well manured & grow asparagus on it. I have to move regularly to keep one step ahead of the Cemetery Authorities, but it's what he would have wanted.