I'm forty five years old,' he said 'and I've

I'm forty five years old,' he said 'and I've never had sex.' I looked at him again. Not because of the statement he had made but because he didn't look 45.

He looked 106. He had wrinkles deeper than Stephen Hawkin's mind. His button up shirt was stained and tucked into his diapers. His hunch looked like Rushmore. He was a virgin

and probably Russian. He was less in touch with the world than a voter for a Mormon candidate. The decagenerian was blind as the starring role in the bat production of Oedipus Rex.

As weeks passed, he got used to his T-rex arms and became a famous gold winning Olympic swimmer.

He went to the summer Olympics in Brussels, inflammigating the Muslim enclaves that didn't want visitors. The released gigasnakes guarded the flimsy gates put there by some old men

as decreed by 7th century warlords wearing weird hats. "That gate looks older than dirt," said Capt. Obvious. He was preparing to compete in fencing in the Summer Olympic Games.

"No, that gate was built in the year 899 in memory of King Alfred the Great." Alistair Obvious wasn't so good at this kind of fencing, but his Olympic training master Melissa Peel

ably scraped layers of horse manure off Alistair Obvious' spoutings. "You read that off the huge plaque over there, didn't you?" "A lie, Melissa Peel, I googled it on my smartfone!

They went on like this for hours. At first it was sorta amusing,but in time I just felt like throttling them both. There are more important things in this world. Like KrispyKreme.