So, to summarize, you say you want me to

  • So, to summarize, you say you want me to come up with a whole new advertising campaign for your proctology practice, right? OK, I think I can do that. I already have several ideas

  • I pulled out of my ass. How about you have Rectum Ralph as your mascot? Research shows that kids prefer proctologists with cartoon logos in the window, as opposed to credentials or

  • training." "Oh, swell." he said. "Because I don't really have any proctology education in the classical sense. It's really more of an acquired appreciation. Take the left cheek

  • &stretch; it back with your left hand. Now with the gloved hand..." "Gloved?" "Have you got one handy?" "Ovenmitt?" "Dishwashing gloves are better. Dip it in vaseline." "Jiffylube?

  • My gawd, that Hamburger Helper mascot was getting bossy. Personally, I wanted the mittens, but I got the big hand instead. Once the ground beef was cooked, the bossy hand told me

  • to take off my apron and then slapped my ass. The Hamburger Helper mascot crossed the line, but I was appreciating the attention and his dinners were almost as good as eating out

  • . But the "reach around" he then provided proved to me that the "helper" part of his Hamburger Helper" name was MORE than accurate. But, maybe I should rename him "Sausage Helper

  • For Dummies" because he was very helpful for the below-average mind. Just like the

  • online masters program. Yep. Non-judgmental and completely ineffective while drawing salary, that was him.

  • And yet... do we condemn daisies or ladybirds for not judging & being ineffective? Think about it.



  1. 49erFaithful May 19 2014 @ 11:59

    Friggin do-nothing daisies. I have half a mind to give them a marginally achieved rating on their next evaluation.

Want to leave a comment?

Sign up!