If there's one thing I hate it's midget amateur

If there's one thing I hate it's midget amateur snowmobilers with a lisp and a hairlip. If there's two things I hate it's

that first thing, and people who hate that first thing. If there's three things I hate it's that first thing, people who hate that first thing, and geese. Geese suck. I know you

No man should be forced to choose between his wife of thirty years and his prized alpaca stud. My hands shook as I wrote my reply. There was one thing I had never dared to tell her

: that I, Juan Ramirez Jacinta Maria Espinoza Carmelina Lopez, am myself an alpaca. The signs were all there, but her lack of questioning regarding our alpacataur children

whom we could never cure of the habit of spiting partially digested food and shiting together in a line only prolonged the inevitable divorce. I took the kids and headed for machu

-rian candidate. It's like one of my favorite movies. At the theater, in the dark I saw her, over my kids' heads, it was my mistress, the one that had eaten

sashimi from the crevice of my prodigious rear end. She was a fan of all things Japanese and said my globes looked like a sumo wrestler's backside. It got kind of strange when

she brushed even the minutest cusp of Japanese culture because, god damn, those people are seriously fucked up. They make porn and then CENSOR it. It's not on public TV. Logic.

Then she realized that she had finished going through the archive of humanity, and made her decision - This species was unworthy of enlightenment. She would eradicate them.