Dammit! I tripped over the toy train & fell

Dammit! I tripped over the toy train & fell into the Christmas tree, knocking it on top of Baby Jesus, who crashed to the floor & broke into a million pieces.Grammy screamed & then

down the chimney I was really starting to have doubts about the whole damn operation. But Mrs. Claus saved Christmas for us. Her arrival broke up the family brawl and she handed

out beatings like a politician shaking hands. Mrs. Claus was tough. That's why I married her, but then it stopped being cute. She could see I didn't want to do the gift thing anymo

re, that I wanted to retire, take up a hobby, like lapidary arts. But the missus was ambitious, driven by status, a real Nancy Reagan. "Look here, Nick, you are SANTA EFF-ING

CLAUS. Stop messing around with your rocks and get on that sleigh!" she said. "They're actually minerals..." I said. "I DON"T CARE IF THEY ARE LUMPS OF COAL GET ON THAT SLEIGH!"

Santa hung his head. "If you think this job is so easy, why don't you ride along with me & see for yourself?" Mrs. Claus jumped in the sleigh. "Let's go, Chubby. I'll show you how

You can do it better." They went to a Burning Mnan Festival on the way to my house, I heard. Santa and Mrs. Claus were forever changed by dropping acid just once and giving some

vagrant a ride on their sleigh, thinking he was Jesus. He wasn't. When they got home the strange hippie sauntered into Santa and Mrs. Claus' home and refused to leave. They had to

get a Court Order and it took until Dec. 23rd to evict him, but Santa had to cancel that Christmas, 1969, because the hippie smoked up all of the magic reindeer dust.