She couldn't handle living this way. Minimal

She couldn't handle living this way. Minimal money to pay the bills and living off cheap instant coffees and day old bread. Things had to change.

There was only one way to get through this

. I'd have to snort some grass, shoot some V, smoke a little horse. If I was gonna make it through this I might have to drink a few rocks. I didn't sign up for no slap n tickle.

Not that I had anything against a little slap n tickle if I had the chance. Now both stoned & horny, I contemplated my options. I could surrender now...or I could remain here in

a slap n tickleless state. I opted for slap n tickle. "Slap n tickle, please," I requested. Interestingly, I don't like being slapped & I don't like being tickled. But combined int

ermarriage and a tradition of incest made desire things I don't like. That is until I discovered rollerskating. It was disco night at Rink-O-Rama and I had just bought a large

Package of ramen noodles to live on whilst I paid for a one year membership. My mum thought I was crazy. "Do you still eat meat? You know we have a feast every weekend." I listened

to insurance seminars that had more funk than her. Is it werid to be thinking about how much funk you mom has or had. Maybe never had. Was I an Unfunkable Conception?

Was I indeed the son of an unfunkable god? Was I doomed to die on an unfunky cross with classical music playing? Desperately I tried to do the bump, but nothing bumped. "Why me?" I