Principal: You son is suspended from 2nd

Principal: You son is suspended from 2nd grade because he made his Pop Tart look like a gun. Parents: It's just a pastry, you know. Josh: I just kept biting it & biting it but I

didn't know it would get me in trouble!And it didn't look that much like a gun, unless you like strawberry jam and frosting covering your rifle. Parents: You see? Just a pastry.

But the pop tart shot up. He squeezed the maple bar. Bullets sprayed out like hornets on fire. He was the Pastry Assassin. His signature was chocolate sprinkles left at the

But The Candy Man can. The Candy Man can for that very reason: nobody would guess that somebody selling sweets could kill. So he killed and he killed and he killed. 37 victims.

That is, until Aunt Claudia put a stop to him. Aunt Claudia always told us not to trust strangers with candy. The Candy Man was put in jail, where he tried to make praline files.

But his praline files contained nuts, and he forgot that he was allergic to them. The Candy Man started swelling up, until his prison cell could no longer hold him. BOOM! The cell

door flew open. The Candy Man looked at the prison guard and said, "I decided to hand-deliver your shipment of exploding candy. Sorry for the mess." The other inmates wanted

Some of this unique taffy which came in several unique flavours such as watermelon seeds for edema, cranberry juice for women and horny goat weed for men. It was a bestseller! Sir

, I must ask you to step back. Sir? Sir? SIR! Step back NOW or they'll be no taffy for you! Of course, he turned out to be an agitator and we had to throw him out!