Environmental concerned Hindus decided rather

Environmental concerned Hindus decided rather than worshipping the smelly cow they would worship the kangaroo. The kangaroo ate grass all day but does not fart. Greenhouse gases

were scarce around Australia, therefore the kangaroo was godly. The environmentalist Hindus further declared that koalas were sacred because they eat eucalyptus which is an invasiv

e dietary habit. The EnvironDus were a cult that worshiped marsupials. But the koalas carried a virus and when the EnvironDu High Priest hugged the Koala for Fistmas

he died. Traditionally, the EnvironDu High Priest's funeral needed to be held in the exact place he had passed. Mourners wore yellow with black spotted robes to mark the occasion

Trees were planted on the spot until a whole forest was seeded, much to the delight of Joni Mitchell, who sang "Big Yellow Taxi" to bless them. She wore her indigo robe and hat.

But the trees grew and grew until Joni could not see the forest due to the trees. The gnarled roots and brambly undergrowth caught in her blue robe & no Taxi yellow or otherwise

she would have been undistinguishable from the forest that seemed to choke her. Joni cried out, and stumbled forward. She tripped over a crooked root and collapsed to the earth

& the vines started wrapping themselves around her. It wasn’t only vines, either. The pine needles coalesced into a staggered phalanx formation of the 3rd Gallic Legion. The forest

Okay...so, I'm exaggerating slightly...what can I tell you...wooden creatures give me the creeps...besides, if anyone sticks that middle finger at me again...well...I will go nuts!