And now, the moment you've all been waiting

And now, the moment you've all been waiting for. It is my pleasure to introduce the greatest squirrel in all of Acornia, Jasper McNutters.

AAAAAAARRRGHGHGGGHH! I doubled over in pain. My shorts were all bloody and...and...I was...was MISSING MY TESTICLES!!!!! Damn that squirrely Jasper McNutters! AAAAAAGGGGG!

I switched off the TV. Kid's cartoons these days! I set back and cleaned out the muzzle of my Brügger & Thomet APR. Home schooling was so much better.

I opened a fresh box of .300 whispers and an equally fresh box of Duncan Hines chocolate cupcake mix, While I loaded a dozen magazines, I whipped up some chocolate ganache topping

and then began my chocolate orgy in earnest. I read through all those magazines showing anorexic fashion models while stuffing sweets in my mouth, first with one hand, then both,

but that's probably worth an arm and a leg... 5 dollars or an arm and a leg? Which is a bigger investment? Probably it didn't matter, it was always a foot long... "Uh, I'll have..

a BLT." "What's that?" Betty whispered to me. "A brains-leg-tongue sandwich." "Ew." She wrinkled her nose. Being a zombie was new to her. She'd adjust.

The chef brought the sandwich to the table, explaining that it was unique. It was the first request for it in so long, we were not billed. Normally the two cats had it as a treat.

But today it would be their last meal in fact, because the ingredients were all so outdated due to the lack of demand all those years. They would order it again in their next life.