When I was a kid, I used to sit in Tony’s

When I was a kid, I used to sit in Tony’s barbershop listening to gangster chit chat. Tony responded to everything with Over my Dead Body. Tony, I’m going to marry your daughter.

"Over my dead body," Tony said. "Hey Tony, after three years of marriage I'm leaving your daughter and our three kids to ramble the country with a hooker from Toledo named Candy."

"You can't do that to me, son," cried Tony. "And why not, Dad?" said Freddy. "Because that hooker from Toledo is your mother, and the love of my life!" "Her name is Candy, Dad!"

"Hey, hey-ain't no finer girl in town than Candy,"Tony tittered,then,serious again,"& all I want is her!" Freddy huffed,pitying his dad."Candy-mom-whoever she is!-is a gold-digger

"You best shut that mouth, son!" Tony bellowed. He had never used such a harsh tone with his son before. Freddy narrowed his eyes, "She's a whore!"

"A whore?!" spat Tony in disbelief, his face a crumpled craggy mess of utter disgust and shock. "That whore is your mother, you swine from my loins! How dare you

foul the nest that shat you forth!" "But, Dad, you're the turd who spawned me, I won't let you be mistreated by the sow in whose litter I loll!" "I forgave your mom," said Tony sad

. Tony devised a few different plans, one that included a non-lethal dose of chloroform. Obviously a backup. However, getting inside her lavender juicebox was a must. Tony grabbed

her juicebox during recess and slipped the miniature boxing glove through the straw hole at the top. Tony snickered. Next time she went for a sip, instead she'd get a fruit punch.