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"With fire magic, the latin-y words don't

  • "With fire magic, the latin-y words don't make you catch fire; rather, magic shifts our timeline to one in which you'd happen to catch fire via other means. So you see, Your Honor,

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  • it's not my fault that, in one of the many alternate timelines that exist, I just happened to utter words that would shift him to one where he caught fire at that moment. See?"

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  • "N-not... really..." I mumbled, staring with disgust at my inflammable former friend. "So... What else can you do? I mean, I'm not really a big fan of setting people on fire..."

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  • "Yeah, me too. I never would have thought I would like putting people on fire but I really do. At first I was conflicted because that seemed so mean, to just think it & floosh they

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  • went aflame. But I've realized that pyromancy is an excellent method of teaching children to behave. One scald and they learn to stop whining if dinner isn't to their liking."

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  • "Plus, it freshens the air with that burning children's flesh aroma," said Grandma, just before Junior threw her wig in the fire and went to get the Neosporin. "Stop arguing!" said

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  • Grandpa Cthulhu, his facial tentacles waving furiously. "I will damn to eternal suffering the next one of you who makes so much as a peep!" Grandma and Junior shut up, but glared

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  • until their eyeballs popped. “Oh for the love of…” Grandpa Cthulhu grumbled, his prodigious claws digging into the leather sofa. “Does anyone care to explain themself?” Junior

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  • Asparagus stuttered, "We've come to ask you for your assistance in building a spaceship to Andromeda." Mr. Lunt then added, "We'll pay you 35% commission." Gpa Cthulhu considered

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  • going back to sleep (and did). Luckily, Abercrombie Cthulhu agreed to the deal, knowing full well that a moment later he would destroy all of humanity with his abs.

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1 Comments

  1. LordVacuity May 11 2023 @ 23:01

    Talk about killer abs.

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