My upstairs neighbors were at it again. I

My upstairs neighbors were at it again. I tried to tune them out but found myself tapping my foot to the rhythmic creak of old floorboards and mattress springs. Their moaning grew

to a baboon-like crescendo & the old stucco ceiling crack rained small chunks onto my laptop. Ethyl seemed like such a discrete landlady when I rented this bedsit,but her love life

was rambunctious to say the least. I'd had enough. Enough of the ceiling chunks in my coffee. Enough of the wailing interrupting my slumber. Ethyl was about to find out what happen

ed when Ricky lost his number. I ran upstairs still in my Copacabana suit. Fred and Ethyl didn't answer over the noise, so I kicked their door in. "This is no good!" I splained

I also spained my ankle. At the same time, a pen leaked in my pocket, so I was forced to splain the sprain and the stain.

But then I was forced to run a mile with the other kids in PE. I hate exercise. So I limped to the field to pulls a fast one because I weigh a metric ton and hate to run.

The only thing I pulled was a muscle. The pang in my hamstring sent me bounding over the lip of a hill overlooking the decrepit school track. Like Yokozuma, I barreled down at the

pyramid of scrawny cheerleaders & bowled them over. Arms, legs, pompoms & perky bows flew everywhere.The Unchosen sitting in the bleachers stood up & applauded. My hamstring injury

spontaneously healed. I dunked a basketball using my feet. The Dark One had kept his word. I would go on to NBA fame and a long life of fortune and acclaim. But collect, He would.