Somehow, the Universal Monsters had made

Somehow, the Universal Monsters had made it onto the ballot, and the day after Election Day, the world was shocked to find that America had voted the Creature from the Black Lagoon

as the winner of American Idol. When the Creature form the Black Lagoon came to accept its reward, it walked off with Mariah Carey

. Mariah Carey fought the Creature from the Black Lagoon tooth and nail. Then she sang a piercing top F# and blood spurted from its hairy lugoles. She bit its nose off and spat it

onto the muddy ground, where it rolled back into the Black Lagoon. Suddenly, the Black Lagoon started to bubble and boil. Mariah Carey stood stunned watching the murky waters swirl

And sang her latest hit, "Don't Get Mad, Get Even". The Black Lagoon extended a goopy hand to grab Mariah Carey and she fell in, head first. Her fans wept as they heard the news.

who would soon come to deeply regret this request. The aging pop star croaked out a few horribly out of tune notes before forgetting the rest of the words to one her own hits.

She hadn't forgotten the words of the song that launched her, "Do you applaud fear?" but when she sings it now, with the way she's aged, it takes on a whole different meaning. The

unintentional harshness of her vocal intonations belies a survivor's strength and provides solidarity to those of us who also have lived through Heck. I searched online for

research pertaining to the recent up-swells in sharks being harvested for their organs, but honestly I really just wanted some nice midget porn.