He drove his jeep into the hotel. 50 pounds

He drove his jeep into the hotel. 50 pounds of explosives taped to his chest. He pressed the detonate button and nothing happened. He pressed it again. Nothing.

He instantly regretted buying the generic Food Lion brand explosives. He revved up the jeep as he heard the sound of police sirens. Dare he use the Food Lion Uzi?

Hefting the Food Lion Uzi to the front his jeep, he zipped open the nylon bag and found it in 127 pieces. "Congratulations on your Uzi purchase! Some assembly required" The sirens

were leaping from their rocks, diving through the foul, oil-slicked Grecian waters. If Carl Jihad Joehansen didn't put this Food Lion Uzi together soon, they would be upon him.

But the Uzi self-assembled. "Food Lion!" Carl screamed in short-lived triumph. A dart struck his carotid artery, injecting an obscure neurotoxin derived from the gonads of

beatified Benedictine monks. Carl instinctively knew that the only antidote was holy water administered by a 3 star cardinal or above. He stomach lurched as he pulled the dart out

of his knee. It was swelling up like a hot air balloon, but he mustered the strength to open his mini icebox and get out a spray bottle of ready-made holy water. Then he called Bro

his crotch. The his worst nightmare, his ex girlfriend's head burst from his pants. "You and your chastity vows! Looks like I'll have to make babies myself!"

She threw her matted head between her own thighs & spewed out the semen she'd collected. This WAS his worst nightmare! He woke up, limp, exhausted. He looked under the covers. OMG!