-Floss more, -Eat less red meat, -Work less,

-Floss more, -Eat less red meat, -Work less, -Work out more, -Watch more porn, -See more of Grandma, -Not at the same time, -Spend time in a foreign country, -Stain the deck, -Play

with knives, -Join the Navy, -Instigate jihad, -Remember the Alamo, -Forget your past, -Call your monkey, -Live for yesterday, -Give bad advice, -Buy organic, -Make a list, -Smell

the Navy, -Instigate the Alamo, - Forget your monkey, - Call yesterday, - Give organic knives, -Live for... Wait a minute. I'm all mixed up! Can we start again? OK. -Tickle your

monkey, - Spank your knife, - Instigate yesterday, - Forget the Navy, - Live for the Alamo, - Call organic, -Turn your head & laugh, -Cough like no one's watching, -Dance till the

breakfast of champions. Dirk started to wonder whether advertising was really his field. He sometimes mixed his metaphors and some of his slogans seemed a little *off*.

Like the "A taste as big as your backside" fiasco. But right now he had to keep his job and come up with a slogan for navy beans. Aren't they really gassy? Who'd want that anyway?

'Make your gassy sassy gravy wavy with navy beans!' He was made Account Manager for the whole of the ex-Warsaw pact countries for that slogan. Folks in Minsk fought in the aisles

for the last can of gassy sassy navy gravy beans. It was the gold rush of the East. There were so many rumors about western goods to take advantage of! His company sold polaroids

of people smelling bad gas. These polaroids blasted off and became a his because so many people had eaten the cans of gassy sassy navy gravy beans. The fetid photos blew the lid of

the conspiracy and brought out the bean counters who promptly erected methane farms. It was a gas for those guys and they celebrated by cutting the cheese. Repeatedly.