"Now, what color?" The cat nodded to the

"Now, what color?" The cat nodded to the left, meaning red. He flipped the card over, Queen of hearts. She got it right 99% of the time, but how to smuggle her to a roulette table?

It was time to get creative... I headed down to my basement laboratory, and within an hour had nearly perfected my Shrinking Machine. The only glitch was

that the process was irreversible. But hey, if Alice could grow back to her normal size without making an effort, so could I!. So I stepped into the booth and yelled: 'Shrink me do

your worst!" But the evil Red Queen, Jennie Craig mocked my weight loss prayer. She shot calorie free chocolate flavor spray into Alice's and my eyes. The caterpillar blew a smoke

ring, then promptly keeled over from a series of compounded tumors. The caterpillar insisted to Alice he was changing into a butterfly, but as the Red Queen Jennie Craig had told

Alice that anything said by the caterpillar was a hallucination. Alice suspected she had been captured by Queen De Beers and drugged with opium in order to

and soon enough she did, but it led to Oz instead of Wonderland. She walked across the threshold and immediately stumbled over someone's stripey-socked legs. Alice realized that

she left her keys at home. Meanwhile Alice remained oblivious to the fact she just killed an innocent witch "Maybe I'll have falafel for lunch" she thought skipping to the Emerald

City to meet her secret lover,the Tin Man, who was really was the Queen of Hearts in disguise. Just as Alice sat down to peruse the menu, the "Tin Man" lowered her ax. Tit for tat.