I awoke bolt upright. After last night's

I awoke bolt upright. After last night's bender, I thought I would wake up in my bed (or someone else's.) Instead, I was in front of my laptop, my hands pressed to the keyboard.

copy of "Watermelons for Those Who Care" by Roe Tundra. I sent her a message: "Sorry, but could I cancel my order? Crazy night!" She replied: "You mean you don't care?" I felt guil

-ded core again. Yep tighter. Yoga balls really do work. The stronger my core, the less guilt or compassion I have to show anyone in my life. So I cancelled my order...HARD!

But the Yoga balls kept coming. I had not read the fine print when ordering and now I was in the Yoga ball a month club. I tried to call 1-800-Yoga-ball but I couldn't understand

the associate on the other end, who apparently spoke only Etruscan, albeit with a heavily Estonian accent. The rate at which the yoga balls came began to increase, so that finally

forced him to flee his home.He ran down the street crying, the yoga balls bouncing after him with a vengance.His neighbors came out to watch. It was like "The Lottery" by Shirley J

Wilmoth when she lost some of the lottery balls down her cleavage and they replaced them all with toy blocks and then Shirley got poked in the eye when they flew out of the machine

and...umm...darn...I lost my train of thought...ah, hell...anyway...Oh, wait...I remember now! Wilmoth spent a week trying to find the lottery balls. Those sure are big breasts.

What could I do with so much poultry? While I stewed over the possibilities, my pals showed up. It was going to be crowded. Finally I simmered down and made the best meal ever.