How to create a hoverboard: Attach 2 x GAU-8

How to create a hoverboard: Attach 2 x GAU-8 Avenger's to a skateboard and fire gun into the ground to create lift and propulsion.

"Go forth with wooden sword and hoverboard, brave warrior," said his talking scale. "Thou must vanquish these blasphemous giant snails beseiging the holy land of Tampon, Floridia."

His talking scale had totally quit what he had bought him for. He was supposed to tell him his weight. But Chauncey had gained soooooooooo much weight that the talking scale was

beyond advice, criticism, and well-intentioned taunting. Now the talking scale just gave him shrill disapproving hums, or what he called "A-Marge-Simpson." What was he supposed to

do, stop eating completely?

I'm not even thinking about it anymore. *Rumble!* Lalalala, can't hear you! I'm thinking happy thoughts, not about those cookies cooling on the kitchen counter, as we speak.

Yet the scent of those damn cookies...assaulted my nostrils...& invaded my pre-frontal cortex like a Syrian refugee.That's the only explanation for I had for what happened next.

I welcomed it. It seemed like the right thing to do. If I was a homeless cookie finally free from the heat of the inferno of the oven I hope someone would be kind to me.

If I was picked up by plump fingers and shoved inside a gluttonous mouth it would be the end for me. Transformed into something new, digested, liberated, the freedom of chew.