Once upon a time in a world not unlike our

Once upon a time in a world not unlike our own, there sat a girl with a singular thought.

And that one, lonely singular thought that looped through her mind was, "Zhjuejfja". Like I told you, it was a world unlike our own; they had their own language. The word meant

fornicate in a kind of traditional 'how's your mother in law' sort of way. I learnt more words that day including the phrase "Sorta wibo nailsum dandif" which means

"Would you care for some more tea, your grace?", which was quite upsetting because I expected the hills to have eyes, not to harbour intelligent halfbreds who knew their tea. The

But I had not seen him pick up a hole from the ground. The first thing that he had put in my cup was the hole followed by the full contents of the coffee pot. Very hot contents.

which then spilled all over my lap. I screamed in agony, and in my mind swore that I would get revenge. Yes, I would make him pay! I would

creep into their kitchen at night, and switch the salad forks with the dinner forks! Next, I would drink a cup of milk, and replace it with water! You couldn’t hold back my plans

to earn my master’s degree in bullshittery, I had to creep into their bedchamber, at night, while they snort and fart, and set free bed bugs coated in itching powder on the sheets.

The Secret Service caught me before I could complete my "final exam" & I was taken away to jail. The next day, though, Trump pardoned me & invited me to serve as his advisor.