The Devil makes work of idle hands. Since
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The Devil makes work of idle hands. Since I'd been unemployed for over a year, I figured it was just a matter of time before he showed up. He was wearing a $4000 silk suit
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& held a Gran Habano #5 El Gigante between his teeth. It was clear I was down on my luck, so when he stopped in front of me & doffed his fedora, I knew my salvation had come. He
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said, "kid, I know all about you, I know what you're thinking before you do," and he handed me a small package wrapped in brown paper. "Take this to Jim Rickey and tell him to
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go for those tap dancing lessons he always wanted. But first he'll have to shave off his eyebrows and get a mohawk haircut, otherwise he won't stand out from the girls who also tap
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themselves with broken broomsticks while they dance on faucets. It was a distinctly strange form of dance, but he wanted to be part of their world even if
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he had to break a couple of faucets to do it. Even if some of those faucets shoot things they shouldn't, things which aren't water, things like
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hot and cold Earl Grey, vitreous humor, lava lamp fluid, O- blood plasma, snail trail, supercritical carbon dioxide, tar, bile, gumballs and post nasal drip. His specialty faucets
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could be fixed with a good filter, but collectors such as myself aren't interested in function. I bought and installed his HBr faucet and taped open the spray nozzle. My husband
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called from the entertainment room where he was watching a pre-season NBA game. "Hey, get me a beer!" he commanded. That was it. I turned up the hot and sprayed my palm, scalding
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my hand until it fell off. I then grabbed the beer out of the ice chest, put my amputated hand around it and threw it at his
3
- Started
- 2013-09-24 23:26:34
- Finished
- 2013-10-24 15:49:21
9 Comments
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PurpleProf Oct 24 2013 @ 17:50
fedora.
hamstak Oct 24 2013 @ 17:59
What should be the punishment for not finishing on the tenth fold? 100 lashes? Banishment from the kingdom?
PurpleProf Oct 24 2013 @ 18:06
Nahhhh... The FS community is very forgiving. We all mess up from time to time. Takes a little time to get the hang of this.
PurpleProf Oct 24 2013 @ 18:08
Plus, it's always nice to have new people join... :) Hamstak, enjoying your folds very much!
Spacey Oct 24 2013 @ 18:50
It makes sense even by itself, though. It's just missing punctuation! Perhaps "he" has an amputated hand collection, and "I" sends their amputated hand over with a beer so all the amputated hands can chat. : D
hamstak Oct 24 2013 @ 19:05
Ah, perhaps I am just a bit unforgiving in my dotage. It would be nice if we had a grace period, say of 90 seconds, to correct our own misses if we catch them. Oh Great Moderator in the sky, if you hear the humble petitions of your lowly servant...
buddyboy4711 Oct 24 2013 @ 21:26
Preseason NBA? I'm a pretty big basketball fan, and even I avoid preseason. Well, mostly avoid it. On occasion. When Russell Westbrook's not playing. I bet amputated hands have some pretty epic sign language conversations, most of them about how lame phantom body syndrome is. Or thumb wars or manicures or something.
hamstak Oct 25 2013 @ 14:04
Good thing I didn't go with "pre-season WNBA". Now that admission...
buddyboy4711 Oct 25 2013 @ 14:41
It's OK, this is a safe place. Still... that would be pretty funny.