Angus had never considered the ramifications

Angus had never considered the ramifications of the chemicals in his favorite degreaser before. Spray, wipe, spray, wipe. He'd done it so many times he often woke up from a dead

sleep spraying and wiping his nightstand. Then one dreadfully cold December night those chemical ramifications made themselves painfully clear to Angus' wife.

As a deep empath, Angus' wife suffered greatly as various afflictions visited themselves upon her husband, riveted in horror as he thrashed about amid pustules and protuberances.

She killed him quickly. She had to after all that. She burned the body in the yard. No one asked any questions. They all knew, they had to. Perhaps they were as relieved as her.

Their relief was short-lived, tho, for only days later tiny shoots sprouted from the ashes,growing quickly into sturdy stalks, then budding to form arms, neck, & head! She screamed

, grabbed the family and crammed them into the station wagon. Peeling wheels, she drove them down the steep mountain roads, but in her mirror she could see the plant people coming

rhyming dictionary for Kwanzaa. She'd known it was the perfect gift for the fam since she forget how to pronounce the word "cretin". She heard it both ways too many times. Life is

a crap shoot. Sometimes you woke up no longer a planet. WTF?! Pluto knows what I'm talking about. Keeping it real fam, but Goddess forgive me if I impale the next Farm Bill & kin.

Speaking of waking up, you may never wake up AT ALL! Pluto’s got nothing on a poor slob who lies down for a nap and dies in his sleep. But, like Pluto, he’ll never pay taxes again!