It was a warmy, sunny day when Alfie found

It was a warmy, sunny day when Alfie found the black box. He almost tripped over it on his way to school. It was small with nothing remarkable about it. He picked it up.

Alfie opened the box. Inside were tiny Shakespearean actors rehearsing on the tiny Globe Theatre stage. He bent his head to listen.

"O God, I could be bounded in a shoebox and count myself a king of infinite space, were it not that I have bad dreams." said a tiny bearded man. He glanced up at Alfie & winked.

Alfie scratched his head. "Have you tried Chamomile tea?" he asked. "I've heard it does wonders for sound sleep." The tiny bearded man did not seem impressed with this advice and

slapped his face. "You don't slap a man" he said. "I have slapped many men, you fool, you're not the first & shall not be the last." The tiny bearded tyrant was not well pleased.

"Listen, here is a list of things you can slap. You can slap butts. You can slap--" Suddenly they heard a loud noise. By god, it was a slap! It was coming from inside the house!!

"This has got to be the scariest horror movie EVER!" My left cheek whispers to my right one, its voice barely audible over the tense soundtrack of 'Nightmare on Slapstreet 3'.

It always makes my right cheek tingle with pleasure when my left cheek addresses it so. That left cheek is such a naughty fellow. It's too bad that

a rarity as 1 by 1, my kitchen utensils desert me in the night. I curled up with a spatula on the cold slate floor, & awoke alone at midnight, the warmth of my glowing cheeks faded