Several years ago, I left the marketing racket.

Several years ago, I left the marketing racket. I was tired of the old slog. Ready for some excitement. But the bills just were not getting paid, so that was when I entered

an underground fight club in Vietnam, which mixed kickboxing with russian roulette. If I won a fight, I would then have to try my luck with the gun. If I was still alive after 5 ma

-rgarita pitchers I could handle this too. After whooping a guerrilla warrior in my drunken stupor, I pointed the gun at my face and fired. Nothing happened. "Dang thing's busted!"

I needed some serious guns & an ammo if I'm going to shoot my face. My face angers me. It sabotages everything I do. I want to lay face down on a bouncing betty mine and just

earlobe holes. I surfed ebay and found some hot Nicuaraguan Betty Mines cheap. It was collection only so I bought a one way ticket on a junk sailing to Managua on the next tide.

On the junker boat ride to Managua I wondered how one mines a Betty while reading through Alex P. Keaton's guide on cheating local foreign markets. Nicuaragua was in sight now.

We were to implement Friedman's rule: Deal with opposition first, Reagonomize from behind the tanks. It worked in Chile, it'd work in Nicaragua. My CIA contact waited on the pier

, serving drinks to our unsuspecting targets while simultaneously injecting them with doses of radioactive Coca-Cola. Che Guevara turned in his grave so we dosed him too. CIA

O, Che Guevara and EVERYONE ELSE in the ENTIRE WORLD and UNIVERSE! We RULE now and FOREVERMORE! You should NEVER have trusted us! Mhahahahahahaaaw!