I couldn't believe it had happened to me.

I couldn't believe it had happened to me.

Again! I had a strong déjà vu feeling when the parachute failed to open. I tried to remember what I did last time as the eerily famliar scenery of Iguazu Falls rushed up towards me

Testament of William Tassler (that's my real name) was written on Jan 1, 2012. By the end of the year I will be dead in the manner already described. My final wish is

that my corpse be eaten by ants, which in turn would be eaten by anteaters, which anteaters should be slowly roasted in a Tandoori oven, marinated in ghee and served to Welsh rugby

players. Thus is the cycle of life, we are put here on this earth to be eaten with roasted vegetables and a nice merlot. Now students, you might think I speak metaphorically,

but that marinade you've been sitting in and the loss of life waivers you all signed are very real. Half of you will be cooked and eaten today. The other half will receive A's. Go!

None of us bargained on this when we signed up for the home ec refresher class down at the community center. Hell, all we had wanted to do was learn how to can tomatoes and now

we were being lectured about the ethics of buying earthworms from bait shops. Our hopes of an easy A were fast disappearing and someone needed to take charge.

"Take Charge?" the thought was simply too revolting for us as we turned to the sunset and marched along. Victory, it seemed in the end, was not about winning. It was just victory.