Theodore was not your average fellow. his

Theodore was not your average fellow. his expression was stern at all times, in a fashion that some referred to as "resting-asshole face." He could only trudge through life with a

pursed lipped expression & a scowl. Well, wouldn't you too if you were perpetually constipated? Poor Theodore. We decided we needed to loosen him up a bit, so to speak. We took him

to see Madame Wong. "Green about the gills & a stranger to the toilet," she diagnosed. "Stop eating opium! Next!" We bundled Theodore out and onto the next ferry to Iona to detox

his innards & get him into therapy. Theodore was our good friend. We'd do anything for ol' Teddy. His drug abuse & inability to use the bathroom was related to what his mother did

for a living: plumbing. The shame of a mom who brought home the bacon in a male-dominated trade led Ted to inhale white-out daily. Eventually, he lost a kidney from suppressing

his inner child. After losing the kidney Ted realized the value of having two of everything. This plunged him into despair though because he had only one brain. That is until

Ted's brother Cliff gifted him with 1 more brain. "I don't need it. Use it well," Cliff said. Ted was touched by the gesture. Having 2 brains soothed the pain of having 1 kidney,

two left feet and a vestigial tail. Ted certainly felt awkward in social situations, especially when his electrolyte balance was off. Having his brother Cliff's spare brain at han

d was useful, although quite gross. It's mushy surface was hard to touch, but the knowledge that lay between it's squishy folds would help in the long run. If only Cliff knew what