As I sit in the drive thru waiting for that

As I sit in the drive thru waiting for that frothy choco-shake that I cannot get out of my mind, I wonder about those silver little BB hard candies that you can put on top of cupca

-kes. I'm almost certain that they're actually used as some sort of government tracking device, or perhaps contain mind-controlling chemicals. Perhaps cake frosting is actually

used as a way to disguise a device and make it untraceable inside the cake. They used to use a similar method in Russia during the cold war. They would

combine mayo and ketchup with relish and call it Russian Dressing. Of course, that was on the other side of the Iron Curtain. We stole the recipe and called it Thousand Island

until we ran out of relish one day and just called it Special Sauce. Usually it had relish, sometimes mustard, often mayo and Worcestershire would suffice. But we didn't hit the ja

ckpot until we discovered Oyster-Tang sauce. We slathered it on everything we sold and people couldn't get enough. They asked us for the recipe and we politely refused because

we didn't have a pen to write it down. One customer asked if we could slather his whole body in Oyster-Tang Sauce. So we used large buckets and poured the sauce over his head

all the way down to his toes. It was an odd experience but it got more peculiar when the customer returned and complained he was mauled by seagulls after his oyster sauce bath

The seagull overlord had undoubtedly commanded it. The spa was having quite a bit of trouble with him lately. The owner tossed the customer a shotgun and grabbed one for himself.