"And now I can check off Princess Leia,"

"And now I can check off Princess Leia," I said, studying my list of Comic-Conquests. Next up was Neytiri from Avatar. I stuffed a cucumber into my R2D2 suit and trudged along, unt

il I bumped into Betty & Veronica. Neytiri would have to wait. If I could notch two Comic-Conquests at once, I had to go for it. Betty giggled "Wow, R2, have you been working out?"

And I had. I'd been doing Standing Dumbbell Calf Raises. As an R2 Droid, it was really the only exercise I could do, but my servo's were swollen and powerful. Betty and Veronica

(my pet names for the buns on either side of Princess Leia's head) were looking mighty attractive to me of late, and, well, I'd heard no female could resist a droid on 'roids, so

I bulked up. I wanted my buns to be as round & firm as those on Princess Leia's head. Droid 'roids are illegal, true, but the results are powerful...& only a few bad side effects.

It was great, for the first week or so. Hell, I was benching 22,420 and the chicks wouldn't leave me alone! But then things began to grow from my flesh, small things, like snails

And even my doctor could not explain them! Apparently, I had to bench less and eat asparagus daily.

My coworkers weren't thrilled. Every day after lunch the office smelled like asparagus. One day a suggestion box appeared on my desk and I peeked inside. It was full of

"cute" little messages like "To avoid unnecessary embarrassments, could you spare us a gustatory imbibement green and perilous?" or "Whats long and green and diuretic,