I'm that guy, the one who talks at the movie

  • I'm that guy, the one who talks at the movie theatre. Shushes sustain me. Bad dialogue gives me purpose. During "Spider-Man," I added a well-placed "yeah right" to the part when

  • Spidey spurted out five times his own mass. Sometimes I croon, "Your shushes sustain me, but I can't wait to see the usher." Sometimes it's not the usher, but a huffy moviegoer w

  • ith a big gut in a sport coat. Why do I croon? Crooning is so stupid, but I can't really sing. It was either croon or rap and well, I had a really decent childhood which means

  • I can't rap for crap. If you don't understand the logic behind this - too bad. I used to serenade the ladies at the bingo parlor every Friday night with my keen crooning skills.

  • but I read the writing on the wall when my dentures ejected into Mrs. Bonnicut's ample bosom while she was calling four in a row. I did it my way alright. After that she'd blush

  • when I smiled. Soon, we had our evening Immodium "cordials" together and she'd affectionately rubber mallet my dentures to help cement them to my gums. Love in an old folks home wa

  • s like a daytime soap opera, only with more stamp collecting. We planned to elope during Monday bingo when the nurses were distracted. Monday came but we forgot our plan so instead

  • we attended bingo. B4 was called and I remembered our plan to elope. I couldn't leave yet, because I only needed I22 to win. We were just going have to wait until next week.

  • In retrospect, I remember my fianc� eyeing the chubby blonde who winked at him when O14 was called. He thought she was hot. I should have paid attention, but the bingo game was

  • too enthralling. Only when I looked up & saw my fiancé's mobility scooter was gone as well as my fiancé, did I realise I was alone again. It still hurts, even though I'm old.



  1. SlimWhitman Jul 15 2014 @ 18:30

    Old age has its perks, sometimes forgetfulness is a good thing. Spock placing hands on Kirks temples "Forget." in - Star Trek Episode "Requiem for Methuselah"

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