Working as a pizza delivery driver had never

Working as a pizza delivery driver had never been a goal of mine. I'd wanted to be a ghost hunter. But tracking down the paranormal didn't put pizza on the table. But last night,

nobody picked up a late night call in for a large Hawaiian by closing. Steve, the manager, said, "Here, take this pizza I already wrote off & take the large Hawaiian with you. The

coconut bra, I'll just throw in as an extra. Go on home now, eat, and maybe you'll get lei-ed." I gulped, mumbled my thanks, grabbed the large Hawaiian pizza & went home. Alone.

I paced, anxiously, unconstrued in my attempt to seduce my landlady--seventeen years my senior. The large Hawaiian pizza wilted atop my microwave, dripping pineapple juice upon

my fingers when I picked it up. I wondered if my landlady liked pineapple on pizza also? I wondered how I was going to use my art of seduction to finally, finally win her over. I

could imagine draping her naked body with pineapple pizza. Surely, the sight of her would bring any man, or woman, to their knees.

"How could you not want to do this today, OF ALL DAYS?!" She was beyond annoyed at this point. He had led her on. She was devastated but she wouldn't let him know it. "Get out."

, she said, as she pushed him through the bay window that looked out over the bay. She watched, expressionless as he plunged into the cold water below. Then she turned, and went

insane. Such was the rapid turn of events that her mind refused to function. Her body, strong and independent, protested. It moved on its own and slapped some sense into her head.