Blanche wasn't one of those little old ladies

Blanche wasn't one of those little old ladies who didn't know how to drive her Porsche. When the trooper pulled her over

, her silk podiatric slippers put the pedal to her Porshce's metal. The trooper only had a stick-shift mustang (the horse), so Blanche was getting away. But then her gout flared up

Dorothy's "blind date" with the widower butcher. Rose leaned forward on her witch's broom and blew past Blanch. However, Dorothy's mom was riding two brooms and

made Rose and Blanch seem like they were flying through mud! "My mom is the best", thought Dorothy. She hoped her broom handling skills would live up to the family name. Date

night was easy when the Golden Girls could simply cast mind control spells on the hottest Cubans in Florida. Manuel, Fidel and Enrico even had an older bro into golden showers who

had a donghonker Blanche simply could not ignore. When a woman gets to be a certain age there are certain things that used to be out-of-bounds that aren't any more. Or so I'm told.

Spitting on ugly babies was one. Staring at donghonkers was another. And this was one donghonker Blanche could oggle for a fortnight. "Hey you" she crowed, "you've got a swell

to ride. Why don't you put that thing down for now and go surfing?" He tried to wave her off, but Blanche was eyeballing his surfboard which had gone unused for far too long.

All Blanche could think about was that Beach Boys' chorus: "Inside,outside, USA...Inside, outside, USA...Everybody's goin' surfin',surfin' USA." She straddled his surfboard & sang.