She loved being in love. She loved it so

She loved being in love. She loved it so much that she prepared for Valentine's Day ten years in advance. She didn't have a boyfriend yet but that didn't matter because she knew

on the day of her eighteenth birthday, she'd be so desperately in love that she'd want to give herself away. But she was eight, & her plans were somewhat immature. Ten years later

he would be a different person. Probably an asshole. So she turned her attention back to her Barbies. Ken and Barbie were about to

take Midge out for drinks. If they could get her drunk enough, another three way was a possibility. She rubbed their smooth plastic and sighed. If only he were like Ken and she

weren't saddled with her kids Ryan, Nikki,and Cassandra. That bitch Barbie didn't have baby fat to lose. That bitch had the dream house, the dream car, and the new boyfriend

John Madden, although whether that was a pleasant dream or a football-crazy nightmare is up for debate. Barbie and John would go out on trips and he would not stop talking football

and how it had impacted his life and work as a competitive botanist. He said he dreamed of someday being the Tom Brady of Arugula, he trained every chance he got by

juggling as many as four pots while reciting the common and latin names of each species. Perhaps one day he would finally be ready to

take on the cooking masters, the gourmands who could -- and did -- cook every known species. One day he could wield the Master's Knife. But today, he had to sling more hash.