"By hook or by crook, by crook or by flail,

"By hook or by crook, by crook or by flail, You must flood the Earth so that I can set sail," chanted a Mojave boy desperate for adventure. God loved a good deluge, so He obliged

by sending Robert Downy Jr. to the Mojave desert to meet with the boy. But on the way, Robert Downy Jr. stopped off to have a drink in Indio. Just a drink, only one. That's when

all hell broke loose. Literally. Flames erupted, lava spewed & demons flew screeching into the desert sky. Robert Downey Jr. calmly turned back to the bartender."Make that a double

." The Bartender, now cloven hoved poured Bealzebub's Ballbuster, lit it & said to Downey "I'll make you a wager. If you down this in one gulp all the worlds riches are yours, but

if you down it in zero gulps, the you will be granted an honorary doctorate in physics. The choice is yours." Robert had always coveted a PhD, but his little problem had prevented

A pint of blueberries. His wife timed him and it took 30 seconds to tend to the whole thing. She went out and bought more, since they were on sale at the roadside farmstand nearby.

The blueberries made pies & cakes & muffins. Having a husband who can cook is the best. That is until someone else discovers it. His cheating heart was revealed when the pies

he baked spelled out "He's cheating" as he laid them on the racks to cool. His wife thanked the pies and threw them in his face. With every pelt of pie he whimpered, knowing that

no matter how he sliced it, she was right. She always was.