Tilting his cowboy hat, he stared into the

Tilting his cowboy hat, he stared into the lights.The live cameras focused on him after a tap-dancing cigarette ad . "Preforming 'Indian Love Song' the yodeler! Slim Whitman!"

The audience were philistines, but years later Whitman's "Indian Love Song" would cue up on my Pandora as I lounged FS.com, unable to forget how my ex betrayed me so. It aches well

beyond the place I moistened my skin with BenGay. Then Pandora played, "Phlegm Monkey" by the GreenBananas. They were an alt rock band who had toured through the gritty part

of Antarctica, where their single "Touch Me I'm Slick" hit #1 on the charts faster than you can say, "That penguin in the front row took her top off." The GreenBananas moisturized

their wind-chapped audience by spraying Vaseline Intensive Care Lotion out from the ends of their guitars & then ripped into their new single "Flippered Off." The GreenBananas were

ripening at an unnatural pace. Something was different at Burning Man this year, something besides the fact that the Burning Man had tits. Nice tits. And not just big: art tits.

Andy Warhol monster-sized conical Madonna tits tipped with diode arrays, a beacon in the night.I drove to The Burning Woman, in a VW Bus float, a Niki St.Phalle inspired Nanamobile

Madonna stood there welcoming everyone, dressed in red. The Burning Man ceremony was scheduled soon, just five km away. The feminists wanted their own version to get even. The

-y finally came up with The Drowning Woman, a waterpark-themed festival. The insurance for the event was astronomical, but Madonna gladly paid the fees. On the first day,